So the other night, I had one of those moments where I stepped out of my body and had a real look at myself. I was screaming at my 13-year-old, complaining about screen time. I then crawled into bed and wondered, "How on earth could my husband possibly find me sexy?"
When we met, I was young and free-spirited. I was a party girl, and I never took life too seriously. When I met Matthew, he was so serious and rigid; I think he found my
laissez-faire lifestyle attractive. We had crazy chemistry and spent three years dating on and off. We couldn't keep our hands off each other.
Fast-forward to today: we have three kids and I spend my days worrying about organic food, the benefits of progressive education and how damaging six hours of Minecraft a day can be. I am a completely different woman from the woman I was 17 years ago. How can marriage survive that kind of change? There is absolutely nothing sexy about motherhood -- unless you have a fetish. The damage of four full-term pregnancies cannot be undone by a few workouts a week.
But putting aside the physical changes, what about how we evolve (or devolve) as parents? First we become hyper-focused on things like preschool, broccoli consumption and even far less exciting things like skin rashes and bad haircuts. So I guess my question is: how can someone want to jump into bed with a woman who has a pacifier in her hand (yes, my four-year-old still has a pacifier) while screaming at a pair of kids innocently watching an episode of "Dr. Who"?
How do you separate your sexual self from your maternal self? Some say scheduling in dates and sex is the answer. Others believe that relationships are malleable and can change from something lustful into something more like friendship. Research suggest that as soon as kids move out of the house, the libido returns. I will post in a few decades and report.
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